dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
