Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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