4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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