smell my finger.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
