I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
