Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize