apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
