She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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