It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize