Little spoons don't ask big questions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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