How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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