I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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