i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
