Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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