you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
