I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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