halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
