Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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