This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
