Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
