Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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