Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
