im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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