i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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