To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize