He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
