she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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