Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my nose is crying tears of wow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
