Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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