Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize