I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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