You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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