i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
