I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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