Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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