hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
