I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
