the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
