he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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