I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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