there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
