I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
