I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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