I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
two words: eviction party
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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