Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
