Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
