Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
