maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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