I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
