I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize