My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
