of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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