Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
