last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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