I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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