what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nutella sex= disaster
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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