I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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