This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
