im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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