i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
